new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
