Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
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I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
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Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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