he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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