Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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