my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
