I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
