Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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