You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
