Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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