I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
