If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
