a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
