I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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