dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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