You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
