Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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