we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
