hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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