I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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