just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
