bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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