All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
