Umm I'm too high to move.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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