We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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