Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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