Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
