He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
