YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
sex in a hospital.. check
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
