I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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