We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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