theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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