Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
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I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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