I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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