dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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