This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I love you.
Bad choice
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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