my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
