So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
