I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
