you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
