dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
