I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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