pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
