you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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