I accidentally had phone sex last night
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐