The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
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My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.