There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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