At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
