she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
