not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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