I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize