We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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