The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
