I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
