No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i now understand why vodka
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
