i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
