Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
