I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
