I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
