How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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