When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
