That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my being single is dangerous.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
